"Normal life." It's what I crave, what I fear, what I can't even imagine, what I hope I will one day be able to call mine.
After a spectacular weekend in LA with the love of my life and one of my best, best, best friends, having a blast and feeling like a VIP all weekend, it's back to reality (not to mention being 40, which I'm still trying to wrap my head around).
Yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown with so much to do and feeling like I can't seem to make a dent in the pile of projects awaiting me. The dear friend mentioned before is getting married next month and I am hosting her bridal shower. I know nothing of how to do this kind of stuff. I have enlisted the help of another dear friend and hopefully we will muddle through and it will be beautiful and special. Food, decorations... umm, what else is there? Champagne! I need to get champagne. And glasses. Painting picture frames, painting tree branches, I am no Martha Stewart-- the laundry, how does it pile up so fast?! there is red wine on fh's shirt, he will ask me if I got it out and I will have to tell him I haven't even glanced at it-- there is dry cleaning to be dropped off, my son peed the bed and I can't seem to get rid of the smell, I am five days behind on my birth control pills-- have to make sure fh knows that-- I haven't even unpacked from LA yet and I have yet to pack for our next trip, we leave in three days and there is wedding planning coming at me from all sides and the house, the house, the house is always demanding my attention, there are things to order, pick up, deliveries to sign for, people to meet, people to call, checks to write, emails to return and ohhhh help me the packing and unpacking, the laundry, the school garden, the hummingbird feeders are empty, the broken vacuum-- s***-- I still have to pick up my maid of honor dress, it rained and the guinea pigs' cage needs changed, oh! I am driving for the school field trip today! Can't forget that!!.... and who has time to take a frickin' shower, let alone get to the gym... and this is excluding the most important job of BEING A GOOD MOMMY... until my head is spinning and I freeze and crash-- yesterday I slept for almost five hours during the day. Was falling asleep at the wheel around 10:30 am (is that normal?!) so lay down when I got home at 11 and was asleep immediately. Woke up for an appointment here at the house at 12:30, afterward went immediately back to sleep for three full hours. What is my body trying to tell me?
The irony is, I don't work outside the home. When people ask, "What do you do?" (I have come to loathe that question), I feel like spouting off the myriad of tasks that face me every single day until they wish they'd never asked. Instead my answer "Oh, I'm a mom, um, I take care of the house, we travel a lot" comes out making me feel like I sound like a lazy, spoiled housewife who lounges around eating bonbons and shopping online.
So... right now this writing is a form of procrastination. The second I close this window I will have all of those things to face and more. I need a shower but changing the guinea pigs' cage will leave me filthy so may as well wait until that is done. Is this a normal life?
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